男人守則

美國朋友傳給我的~看完實在太好笑+心有戚戚焉~
但因為只有英文。
中文部份就是我翻譯的...翻得不好請幫忙修正....覺得怪怪的就請看英文即可！！

The Man Rules/男人守則

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
終於有男人願意花時間把這些都全寫下來。

Finally, the guys' side of the story (I must admit, it's pretty good).
以男性角度為出發點的小故事（我必須承認，真的寫得很讚）
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side ..
我們只聽見女性要求我們的規則
Now here are the rules from the male side. 
 現在，來看看以我們自身男性角度出發的規則吧!


These are our rules!
這是我們的規則

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
請注意 以下標為1皆是必要且刻意的

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
男人無法閱讀妳們的想法（我們不是妳們的蛔蟲）

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
了解使用馬桶的規則
妳是個偉大的女性，若是馬桶座墊是開著的，請把它放下來。
但我們是需要掀起來的座墊，而妳們需要放下，但妳們卻沒有聽見我們抱怨妳都放著。


1. Sunday is for Sports!
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
週日是運動日。就像是滿月或是換潮一樣，請讓它順其自然的發生。

1. Crying is blackmail.
哭泣本身是一種恐嚇的手段＝..＝+

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
請直接說明妳想要的！！
讓我們把以下幾點說清楚：
輕微的提示沒有用
強烈的提示沒有用
明顯的提示沒有用
就直接說出來吧！！！！！！

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
是與不是幾乎是我們對每個問題完美的回答！

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
若妳需要我們幫忙解決妳發生的問題，我們會～
但是安慰或是表示憐憫是你們女性朋友之間的工作！！
（這段翻得不好）
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.
任何我們在六個月前爭執的時候所說的話是不需要去採納的
事實上，只要過了七天就請把我們說的話就會變成無效或甚至沒說過！

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
如果妳覺得胖，妳可能真的胖，不要再問我們了.....

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
若是我們所說得任何話可以解釋成兩個方向，而其中一種解讀是會讓你不爽或悶的...
我們一定指的是另一種解讀....

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
妳只可以要求我們去做一件事情或是告訴我們妳想要怎麼做，而不是兩個都要！！
如果妳已經知道如何做最好，請自己動手完成吧！！

1. Whenever possible, PLEASE say whatever you have to say during commercials.
如果可能，請在電視播廣告的時候把妳必須要說的話都說出來！！ (=在我看電視時不要跟我談話...)

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
哥倫布不需要羅盤..我們也是！

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
所有的男人只看的見十六種顏色，就像是電腦視窗預設的設定！
舉例來說，桃子，只是一種水果而不是一種顏色！！
南瓜也是水果！！
我們並不知道什麼叫做南瓜色！！

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.
如果『那邊』癢了，我們會抓它XD
而我們會這樣做～

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
如果我們問妳們怎麼了嗎？？而妳們說沒事，我們真的會當作沒什麼事情發生～
我們知道妳們在說謊，但那真的不需要去煩惱！

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
如果妳問了一個妳不想要聽到答案的問題，最好也要有心裡準備會聽到妳不想要聽到的答案！

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY!
如果我們必須去某個地方，妳穿什麼都OK....真的！！

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.
不要問我們在想什麼除非妳準備跟我們討論像是足球或是摩托車之類的話題。

1. You have enough clothes.
是的，妳的衣服已經夠了～

1. You have too many shoes.
是的，你的鞋子已經太多了～

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
 我的身材很有型，圓形也是一種形狀！！

Thank you for reading this.
謝謝你們看完這些。
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
是的，我知道，我今晚得睡沙發了～
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
不過妳們知道嗎？男人跟本不在意這個，因為這就像露營一樣～
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh!
請盡可能的傳給更多男人--讓他們開懷大笑～



寫得太讚了～分享給各位！！